Gratitude's way with the soul
And links to a few things I'm loving right now
It’s often the simple but inconvenient habits that shape our lives for the better. Gratitude is one of them.
Gratitude is a practice, not a feeling.1 It is the choice to pause in any given moment, hellish or glorious, and to name a few things you’re grateful for.
Gratitude has a way of bending our hearts towards the good and holy. It often feels like a deep stretch for the soul as it expands our inner life. In this expansion, gratitude orients us towards joy and possibility. As we live through days of grief, violence and shadow, gratitude makes room for the light to get in. It turns our hearts towards the sun.
It’s been said that the human brain is like velcro for negative thoughts and like Teflon, or a non-stick pan, for the positive. When we have negative thoughts or experiences, they tend to hang around much longer than we’d like. As for the positive thoughts, they come and go quickly. Think of the last time someone gave you a compliment. How long did the gift of their praise or affirmation linger in your spirit? Now consider the last time someone criticized you. How long did their feedback stick around?
If you’re anything like me, the impact of criticism tends to be louder and lasts longer than the compliments do. Why are we like this? I have no idea. But what I do know is that gratitude has a way of making the goodness last a bit longer.
There are all sorts of reasons we fall out of practice with gratitude.
Personally, I tend to downplay its effectiveness. It seems silly and trite. Sometimes, it also feels like being grateful somehow detracts from all of the harmful and painful realities of life. This, however, couldn’t be further from the truth. Pausing to be grateful—taking note of what’s delightful, joyful, and good—reminds our souls of their worth. Gratitude gives voice to what so many of us are dreaming of and praying for in the world. Gratitude is the exercise we lean on to build hope’s muscle in our lives.
While I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving, time with family, and to a bit of spaciousness in my calendar, the truth is that my mental health has been struggling the past few weeks. It’s been tough to be present and excited about much of anything. I’ve been tired and afraid, anxious and overwhelmed. It has been a lot. I’ve been doing the best I can to show up vulnerably, messily, and full of needs to those around me. I’m sharing this because I want you to know that I’m not writing about gratitude from some high and holy perch of “I’ve got it all figured out.” Quite the opposite actually. Gratitude, in its simplest forms, has been keeping me afloat.
Gratitude for another day. Gratitude for the sunrise. Gratitude for a moment of inner stillness. Gratitude for a check-in from a friend. Gratitude for a good bath at the end of the day. Small choices, tiny celebrations, mini-moments inviting me to lift my head. Gratitude has been a saving grace.
As we move deeper into the holiday season, and as we welcome the coming darkness of winter, what might a gratitude practice look like for you? Where are you being invited to carve out pathways for savoring the good in your daily life? How might we together share in what’s going right, in what’s making for life, in our collective experience?
How might we, through gratitude, orient our hearts towards the holy and good?
Be well, beloved. And if you celebrate it, Happy Thanksgiving.
With much thankfulness for you,
Bethaney
Links I’m Loving
This Prayer Journal by Alabaster Co has been an anchor my daily reflection and prayer practice. It’s elegant, structured well, and has a dot grid for the writing sections, which I love.
This song, titled “28” by Rob and Kirby Kaple has been a gift as I prayerfully hope to become a mother one day. I offer it here as a prayer and blessing for anyone who is in the tender season of waiting and hoping to have kids.
This article by Rose J. Percy called I’ve decided to waste my potential for any recovering overachievers, especially Black folks, immigrants, and anyone who was taught that being remarkable was the only ticket to a good life.
This pecan pie recipe will change your holidays for better! It’s made with maple syrup and not corn syrup. To some, this is a heresy; but to me, it is redemption.
Upcoming Events
I’m hosting two contemplative community events before the end of the year. These are opportunities for you to prayerfully reflect on your life and experience of the holy.
On November 27th at 7 PM EST, the event is a contemplative writing circle. We anchor our time in a poem or a reading, and then I guide the group through journaling prompts. This space is great for people who want to nurture a creative prayer practice. It’s also great for people who want to increase their self-awareness.
On December 28th at 7 PM EST, I’m hosting Wins, Wounds & Wonder which is an opportunity to reflect on the entirety of 2023. This is for people who want to not only process what they experienced in 2023, but who want to set intentions & goals for 2024 from a place of prayerful awareness of how the Divine has been at work in their lives.
You can register for both events at the links below.
My Website: https://www.bethaneywilkinson.com
Follow AMBW on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amorebeautifulway/
Listen to the Podcast: A More Beautiful Way Podcast
Derived from a quote by Melissa Shepherd in Real Simple Magazine.
Thank you for this, Bethaney. Your writing has touched me, as it so often does. One of my gratitude practices is a silent alarm that pops up on my phone at 10am and 8pm. It says, "What is good here? What am I grateful for in THIS moment?" There is always something good. I so appreciate the vulnerability and honesty in your writing. Sending love and light to you for your motherhood journey (and all the other journeys you are on and allow us to join alongside you for). Grateful for you.
I also used to fall into the trap of thinking that gratitude amidst suffering somehow detracted from the reality of the pain - but over time, I've come to realize how false that view was! Thank you for such a thoughtful piece!